For more than a hundred years the major sources of news led by the New York Times and the Columbia School of Journalism have engaged in what they call narrative journalism. This is not simple reporting of the Who, What, Where, When, and How variety. This is journalism that places the factual details within a prejudicial story. Every such story has its own villains, victims, dastardly acts, heroic acts of resistance, and references to good and evil causes looming behind the scenes. A character’s role is determined not by their own actions, but by their identity with regard to the allowable villain and victim categories.

Begin with the facts of the story. For instance, let’s start with this simple news story from LifeNews. It happened just the other day.

A member of the Democratic-Farmer-Labor (DFL) Party was suspended after saying Republicans should be brought “to the guillotines” after the November midterm elections.

William Davis, who is the spokesman for the party in Minnesota, commented in a Facebook post: “11.7 — bring them to the guillotines.” Party executive director Corey Day said Davis deleted the post and party spokeswoman Charlene Briner said Davis’s suspension started Monday with no pay for one week, according to The Associated Press.

“The comment made by William Davis on social media this weekend was unacceptable. The DFL offers its apologies and assurance that these types of remarks by our employees are not the way we conduct our business,” Day said in a statement to Bring Me The News.

The screenshot of the Facebook post was posted by the campaign for Republican Attorney General candidate Doug Wardlow. Wardlow is running against the deputy chair of the Democratic National Committee, Keith Ellison, who was accused of sexual abuse by his ex-girlfriend.

Wardlow has since called for Davis to be fired from the DFL and has attacked Ellison for his leadership throughout his party.

I made a table of allowed categories at the bottom of this article that lays out the most likely identities of villains, victims, dastardly acts, and the other prejudicial roles to help rewrite the facts of the above article as a proper #FakeNews narrative worthy of the New York Times, a DNC press release, or even MSNBC. Consult the table for ideas if it’s difficult to arrange categories according to the politically correct party line. Sorry the table is unsorted and somewhat disorganized.

Ready?

Now we go through the story and look for terms that would place those involved and their actions into a predefined role, including villain, dastardly act, and victim. If the narrative we produce is insufficiently powerful, we’ll add any other terms that would help hammer the proper roles home. After all, all villains are the same. They can all be called Nazis, fascists, or deplorables. They’re all racist, sexist, transphobic, Islamophobic, anti-Semitic, regressive, neocon, alt-right haters.

First of all, Davis is the victim. He is a Democrat. He just made a social media reference to history. He didn’t threaten to or propose to kill any Republicans. It’s just history. Our job as a writer of narrative journalism is to defend the approved victims against any scurrilous accusations by the villains of the piece.

Keith Ellison is another victim. He is both a prominent Democrat and a Muslim. He has been falsely accused of sexual abuse by a bitter ex-girlfriend. Defend! He’s on the Democratic National Committee! Must be defended at all costs!

Second, Wardlaw is the villain, as with the Minnesota Republican Party. He’s an Islamophobic racist who attacked Ellison over the false charges and then compounded his villainy by attacking Davis over a harmless social media post. Shame on him.

Wardlaw’s dastardly act is to attack and falsely accuse these saintly Democrats, who didn’t do anything wrong, and are victims of the vast right wing conspiracy of neo-Nazis and neo-con Islamophobes.

Let’s add one more thing. Narrative Journalism is intended to be very emotionally compelling. The reader is not supposed to think about the story, but to process it unconsciously and accept it on an emotional level. They are supposed to feel it, not think about it, not ask any questions. Thus they should never ask themselves “Why”. So to finish it off the narrative journalist answers the question of why by reading the mind of the villain and giving them a discreditable reason for their actions. The victim’s mind must also be read to give them a virtuous reason for their actions.

Therefore Wardlaw will be accused of being a member of the Christian Taliban, a Neocon fascist, racist, who hates Muslims. And both Davis and Ellison are sainted figures who did what they did because they rightfully hate the worldwide disasters caused by Capitalism. Davis just got a little carried away.

Understand? That’s how narrative journalism is crafted.

Why isn’t this a national news story outside small news sites like LifeNews? Because the narrative is such an obvious cover-up there is no way in hell any self-respecting spreader of #FakeNews would ever mention this story. So this story has been buried, or spiked in journalistic terms.

Table 1: Allowable Categories for Narrative Journalism

VILLAIN DASTARDLY ACT VICTIM IN SUPPORT OF AN EVIL CAUSE AGAINST A GOOD CAUSE

Rich
White
Male
Republican
Conservative
Christian
Rapist
Liar
American
European
Police
Military
Firefighter
Mormon
Jew
Japanese
Chinese
Hindu
Korean
KKK
Racist
Sexist
Homophobe
Islamophobe
Transphobe
Constitutionalist
Representational artist
Successful
Employer
Investor
Owner
Landlord
Manager
Russian
Parent
Adult
Historical Americans
Nazi
Neo-Nazi
Crypto Nazi
Fascist
Deplorable
Tea partier
Attacked
Lied to
Lied about
Killed
Looked mean toward
Disrespected
Smeared
Made a slur
Condescended toward
Abused
Assaulted
Insulted
Held the door open
Made a Joke
Laughed
Got angry
Cried fake tears
Complained
Painted graffiti
Painted over graffiti
Said something offensive
Initiated contact with
Avoided
Apologized
Didn't apologize
Was racist
Was sexist
Was homophobic
Was transphobic
Was islamophobic
Was "inauthentic"
Appropriate a culture
Stuck to their own culture
Used a forbidden word
Female
Black
Mexican
Muslim
Foreigner
Criminal
Drug Addict
Government worker
Welfare recipient
Homeless
Gypsy
Homosexual
Transexual
Jew
Abortionist
Abortive mother
Democrat
Antifa
Community Organizer
Insane person
Academic in soft sciences
Academic in humanities
Academic
Abstract artist
Media person
Poor person
Unsuccessful person
Destructive person
Unhappy person
Any plaintiff
Illegal alien
Gang member
Drug dealer
Palestinians
Terrorists
Baby
Child
Adolescent
Christianity
Traditional Families
Patriotism
US Flag
US Constitution
Whiteness
Suburbs
Country life
Small towns
Declaration of Independence
Conservatism
Republicans
Koch Brothers
USA
Sports
Motherhood
Pregnancy
Free Market
Tea Party
Austrian economics
Libertarianism
Capitalism
Corporations
Taxpayers
Self-Responsibility
Voter ID
Jobs
Nuclear Power
Bathrooms by sex
Just two sexes
Keeping men out of girls' bathrooms
Color blind society
Morality
Private charity
Smaller Government
Military
Law enforcement
Factories
Mining
Oil
Coal
Manufacturing
Neo-Cons
Illuminati
Tradition
History
Consistent Definitions
Global Warming
Global Cooling
Climate Change
Meat Eating
Cows
Cow Flatulence
Grilling foods
Hunting
Guns
Self-Defense
Weapons
Nuclear Weapons
Knives
Automobiles
Alcohol
Smoking
Vaping
US Military Success
Observant Judaism
Space exploration
Tourism
Travel
Space colonization
Plastic
Metal
Impeach a Democrat
Borders
Micro-aggression
Old news
Hate
Redefining Words
Solar Power
Wind Power
Unions
George Soros
Climate Justice
Social Justice
Communism
Socialism
Maoism
Cuba
Che Guevara
Free Money
Rent Control
More Regulation
More Laws
More Taxes
Government
Homosexuality
Trans-sexuality
Hollywood
Safe spaces
Anal
Free love
Cussing
Porn
Prostitution
Big cities
Change
Obama
Clinton
Oceans
Reefs
Endangered Species
Endangered Plants
Polar Bears
Ice
Human Extinction
Veganism
Vegetarianism
Pacifism
Marijuana
Drugs
Addiction
Democratic Party
Satanism
Islam
Aztec sacrifice
American deaths
Lethal disease
Anti-colonialism
Antifa
Gun control
Impeached republican
Votes for illegals
Abortion
Infanticide
Soccer
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