Jerusalem, 18 December (FakeBook Press)- Biblical scholars, historians and archaeologists are poring over a new scroll discovered in the caves of Qumran. The “Book of Transitions”, chronicling the early days of the Exodus into Sinai, provides fascinating insights into the fissures that developed in Israelite society as it faced the challenges of the post-Pharaonic era. Passages such as the following are sure to spark a new round of debate concerning this storied period:
And, lo, did the children of Israel go forth into the desert, and left behind the tens and tens of thousands of Pharaoh’s army who perished beneath the rushing waters. And they did reach the first oasis that the Lord had provided for their succor.
The people did assemble to drink of the cooling waters, and they were troubled sore. For the sustenance of Pharaoh’s realm was no more, the Pharaoh Phones did not speak and the elders of Israel argued as to what course to take.
And so they ordained a government to comfort the people in their distress, but relief came not. And the elders confronted Moses when he returned with The Tablets, and rebuked him
And the elders assembled the people and asked “What should be done with this Moses of the tens and tens of thousands of Pharaoh’s army who oppressed the children of Israel, and who perished beneath the rushing waters, and of governance that provideth not?”
And prophets came forth to proclaim what the children of Israel were to do next. And each of the people did place a pebble by each prophet. And this was the First Poll.
And so it came to pass that the pebbles were counted, and division reigned among the children of Israel
26% did lend their support to Golden Idols
And 18% elected to follow Moses
And 32% desired to return unto Egypt and the bounty of Pharaoh
And 24% did rend their garments and flee, casting their pebbles away from the prophets. They were henceforth known as The Undecided.
And the count did not find favor with The Lord, who commanded the children of Israel to gather the pebbles and begin again. And this became known as the First Hack.