Bernie Sanders Ice Cream, Now Mandatory at an Ice Cream Parlor Near You!

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Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream loves communism and Bernie Sanders so much they invented a communist ice cream flavor for Bernie Sanders! That much is true (to at least the 99% level of true).

Now for the fine print, as found in the comment section where good people should not go unaccompanied. We go because we’re practiced at negotiating our way through the muck. But we beg of you, gentle reader, to not disturb yourself by treading through the comments. There be trolls and other monsters!


For the socialist in you, Bernie’s Yearning is a a government-rich chocolate ice cream swirled with rainbow mint glitter and candied-unicorn pieces.

The best part is…the ice cream is “free!” That’s right, “free!*”

  • Subject must purchase container for $9.97*. Subject must also purchase two (2) other containers of “free” ice cream for those subjects who cannot afford a container of “free” ice cream.
  • Subject will also be required to pay $3.42 for endangered wildlife charge for the unicorns harvested for the “free” ice cream and a charge of $2.76 for an environmental impact fee for the rainbows used to make the mint glitter (per container).
  • Container can only be opened with a government-issued “free” ice cream container opener that may be obtained from subject’s local health department for a health impact fee of $30.50. To obtain an opener, subject must sign a waiver indicating that any negative health impacts realized from the consumption of the “free” ice cream will not be covered under subject’s government healthcare plan.
  • “Free” ice cream container must be returned to a government recycling facility after consumption or ninety days (90), whichever is less, for a $0.95 per container refund. Subject will be charged a mandatory $10.00 per container* ice cream container recycling fee. [*Subject must also pay the $10.00 mandatory recycling fee for the other two (2) containers of “free” ice cream which were distributed to those who could not afford a container of “free” ice cream.]

Bernie’s Yearning Ice Cream FREE!

  • Container Charge $9.97
  • Container Charge for Needy $19.94
  • Endangered Wildlife Charges $10.26
  • Environmental Impact Fee $8.28
  • Health Impact Fee $30.50
  • Container Refund $-0.95
  • Recycling Fee $30.00
  • Net Cost for Your “Free” Bernie’s Yearning Ice Cream: $108.00*

Enjoy!

(*Please note figures may not be accurate and are subject to change due to economic illiteracy.)

p.s. Thanks to “jason” for the comment.

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