Bloom County is back, complaining that Bush vs. Clinton is in the cards again just like the last time Bloom County was a real live newspaper cartoon strip. And now who has appeared from the shadows, err, the forest primeval but the ManBearPig himself, the Al Gore of a million ecstatic Gaia-worshipper dreams and 400 million carbon-trading dollars.
Nay, a billion dreams and two billion carbon-trading dollars. Maybe more, but let’s not go overboard.
After all, it IS Al Gore and he is well known for exaggerating numbers. 2 inches becomes 20 feet. 0.1 degrees Celsius becomes 3 degrees. And every time he recounts ballots, somehow the ones voting against him disappear and new ones appear that vote for Al Gore, miracle worker!
All hail the AlGoracle!
He who creates perfect ballots ab initio!
He who banishes imperfect ballots to the primal chaos.
He who pronounces the doom of the mighty polar bear, capable of swimming a hundred miles in icy arctic waters, stranded on ice two miles from the nearest land as it slowly bobs along the current in the direction of its hunting ground.
He who spake the word, and the word was the internets, and so it was, and it was good.
He who finally can listen to W.A.S.P. records at full volume now that the kids are grown and gone.
He whose gusto for life is so irrepressible it leads him to fits of clothing optional exuberance with skeptical and terrified massage therapists.
Oh ye skeptics, look at him and weep at the face of your doom.
Or not. Probably not, actually. We are talking about Al Bore after all.