Wednesday, September 22, 2021
HomePatriot DispatchesThe Consumers' Lawyer Protection Bureau-An Idea Whose Time Has Come

The Consumers’ Lawyer Protection Bureau-An Idea Whose Time Has Come

I feel so vindicated.  So empowered.  So….made whole.  I can go on living now. I, and all in my class, have triumphed.

Actually, I’m not quite sure what all the fuss is about.  I received an e-mail this morning, the abbreviated title of which was “ticketfeelitig”.  Upon opening, it turned out to be a copy of a document from the Superior Court of the State of California in re a proposed settlement in the case of a couple of dudes I had never heard of and ‘The Class’, versus Ticketmaster.  So why am I getting this in my inbox, I wondered?  Then I remembered having purchased tickets through this on-line outlet to an event at the local arena for the teen-aged grandchildren at Christmastime last year.

As I said, I don’t understand, even after skimming through it (having realized I had not suddenly come into a pot of money), what it’s all about.  Something to do with delivery fees and UPS.  At any rate, notification is being sent to consumers that they may be entitled to up to a $1.50 rebate on tickets to future events, up to a total of 17 events.  Whoopee.  So why do I feel the need to share my private e-mails with you, dear readers, over such a triviality?  Well, it’s because of a detail in the settlement document that realy did make me take notice.

Although waiting final approval by the court, it seems that the lead plaintiff’s attorneys  have gotten $16.5 million set aside as their fees in the case, with another $20,000 apiece set aside for each of the lead plaintiffs (the two savvy dudes who instigated the suit and made a lawyer’s day).

Sixteen-and-a-half million dollars.  I surely hope Ticketmaster has learned their lesson for conspiring with UPS to bilk me out of $1.50 just so I could sit on my fat behind and not get out in the cold, fight traffic, buy gasoline, stand in a line and all the rest of it, to keep the grandkids from pouting and win the beaming approval of their very appreciative parents, formerly convinced of my miserliness.

Now theoretically, the defendant in the case is responsible for  the fines and settlements and court costs and advertisement and all the rest.  So the public is not on the hook for this little ‘ lawyer appreciation day’ scheme (click here).  But those $35-a- copy ducats for the spectacularific Mary and the Mangy Maggots tickets?  Here’s guessing that next time those babies are going to set me back an extra five or ten bucks apiece to make Ticketmaster whole  after doling out for attorneys’ fees.  That is if I ever let down my guard and pop for treating the ingrate grandkids again.  Oh, yeah, I won all right.  I won and all you Mary and the Mangy Maggots fans lost because their next concert is going to be a little more pricey.  Sorry about that. Nowadays the procedure of applying to an attorney is tailored to your needs, as they have even set up a special sevice for Spanish-speaking people – abogados que hablan Español.

So, thanks, American Bar, for lookin’ out for the folks.  And where is the Consumer Protection Bureau, where is this Elizabeth Warren dude, when you really need her?  Sixteen…and…one…half…million…dollars.  Yep.  Somebody has been made whole all right.

Poor. No advanced degrees. Unorganized. Feeble. Disjointed. Random. Past it. .... Intrigued, Interested, Patriotic and Lucky.


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