(To read our installments, just search "Maxims") Chapter vii The patriarch apologizeth for woman's inconsistency 1 Wonder not at woman's in consistency, for she hath been created of warring essences. 2 For she is the weaker vessel, yet shall not the strong enjoy her unless she consenteth; and that which she loveth must she refuse alway. 3 She feareth a mouse when it appear- eth, yet she goeth to fierce pains with gladness; 4 She demandeth of men the impossible alway; yet she refuseth to see the side that appeareth not first unto her. How She is Often Reproved 5 Her ways are devious and full of guile; yet when she taketh the straight road she is reproved for her forwardness. 6 Yea, when she entertaineth a fool with honied words, do men accuse her of hypocrisy; yet if she telephoneth to men, asking them to call, then are they enraged and perverse of spirit. And Stultified 7 And in her defeat by her beloved is her only victory. 8 She beareth agony continually, yea, she smileth and concealeth her pain; yet if a man suffer, the whole city shall know it. 9 There is a thing no woman know- eth, and all her days it shall be unre- vealed; how she hath acted in private theatricals, no man shall tell her, and women shall say sweet words, meaning nothing. The 10 Signs of a Woman in Love 10 Son, if a maiden love thee, thou shalt appear handsome in her sight; she shall praise thine eyes, and the corners of thy mouth, yea, she shall admire thy hands. Though thou wert even as the ourang-outang yet shall she paint thee with fancies. 11 She shall be easy of access; she will accept all thine invitations; she shall have time in plenty. 12 She shall shew thee her new raiment and ask thy judgment; and the gown which thou approvest not, she will not wear it. 13 She shall ask thee of thy mother, and thy sister; she shall demand photograph of thy childhood. 14 She shall read the books that thou readest, she shall study thy taste. She shall know thy color and thy song; she shall remember the sugar in thy tea, and the lamb chop thou despisest will she not offer thee. 15 She shall pick threads from thy gar ment; she shall brush thine hair. 16 She remembereth when she first met thee, and knoweth when thou hast last called. She laugheth at thy jests. 17 She knoweth thy neckties; she heed- eth thine opinions and quoteth them to her friends. 18 She giveth thee foolish gifts; and she knoweth if thou usest them noL 19 She readeth thy letters even when they are cold; she knoweth thy step when it is outside the door.
Chapter vii Women to be Understood and women to be guarded against 1 Hearken unto my words and attend diligently to my counsel; for the world is full of women, and the women full of wile; so that a man, if he goeth not warily withal, shall surely fall a prey thereunto. 2 For in the endeavor to misunderstand women we spend our most delightful moments. Her Methods Contrariwise 3 Take heed and know that a fond woman's commandment is made only to be broken; and only a fool erreth therein. 4 When she smileth, peradventure it may be for another; but when she frown- eth it is for thee alone. 5 If she talketh much of another, rejoice that thou hast no rival; but if she keepeth silent concerning him, watch thou his acts, for danger lieth in wait for thee. 6 If she weepeth, weep thou also, and her grief shall be abated. The universal confidant to e avoided 7 Many a woman hath said unto me: Lo, I am the universal confidante, and all men tell me their loves; yet have I not confided in her. When to Confide 8 If a damsel importune thee for thy secret, lie thou straightway; yea, if there be naught to hide, invent thou a pleasing romance, for words shall content her. 9 Yet if she ceaseth from her questions, if she respecteth thy privacy, then mayest thou tell her the truth. A comparison of the plain and comely maid, and their methods 10 My son, beware of a plain damsel who charmeth thee, for she needeth much wile, and useth divers weapons; 11 She expecteth not to win easily, and she maketh sure her aim; she playeth the sympathetic. She studieth to please, she doeth many favors. 12 But the fair maiden is simple of heart, she thinketh much of herself; she giveth naught, but receiveth alway; she basketh in her own beauty; she maketh men to be weary. 13 Doth a woman strive for the impossible? Nay, she knoweth not the gain thereof; and she scoffeth at him who desireth a marvel. Women's prudence 14 Lo, many a man hath given up a good salary for a chance of fortune; but a woman preferreth the bird in the hand. 15 If thou makest a statement concerning women, lo, she shall immediately try to disprove it straightway. She goeth by contraries. 16 When a woman breaketh her heart, when disaster befalleth her love, she entereth the house of memory and shutteth the door behind her; but if a man slayeth his hope he shutteth the door also, but he departeth. 17 For all women are even as Lot's wife, looking backward.