Sunday, September 26, 2021
HomePatriot DispatchesThe Maxims of Methuselah, Part IV

The Maxims of Methuselah, Part IV

 

(To read our installments, just search "Maxims") 


   Chapter vii

The patriarch apologizeth for woman's inconsistency

1 Wonder not at woman's in
consistency, for she hath been
created of warring essences.
2 For she is the weaker vessel, yet
shall not the strong enjoy her unless she
consenteth; and that which she loveth
must she refuse alway. 

3 She feareth a mouse when it appear-
eth, yet she goeth to fierce pains with
gladness; 

4 She demandeth of men the impossible
alway; yet she refuseth to see the side
that appeareth not first unto her. 

How She is Often Reproved

 5 Her ways are devious and full of
guile; yet when she taketh the straight
road she is reproved for her forwardness. 

6 Yea, when she entertaineth a fool
with honied words, do men accuse her
of hypocrisy; yet if she telephoneth to
men, asking them to call, then are they
enraged and perverse of spirit. 

And Stultified

 7 And in her defeat by her beloved is
her only victory. 

8 She beareth agony continually, yea,
she smileth and concealeth her pain; yet
if a man suffer, the whole city shall
know it. 

9 There is a thing no woman know-
eth, and all her days it shall be unre-
vealed; how she hath acted in private
theatricals, no man shall tell her, and
women shall say sweet words, meaning
nothing. 

The 10 Signs of a Woman in Love

10 Son, if a maiden love thee, thou
shalt appear handsome in her sight; she
shall praise thine eyes, and the corners
of thy mouth, yea, she shall admire thy
hands. Though thou wert even as the
ourang-outang yet shall she paint thee
with fancies. 

11 She shall be easy of access; she will
accept all thine invitations; she shall
have time in plenty. 

12 She shall shew thee her new raiment
and ask thy judgment; and the gown
which thou approvest not, she will not
wear it. 

13 She shall ask thee of thy mother,
and thy sister; she shall demand
photograph of thy childhood. 

14 She shall read the books that thou
readest, she shall study thy taste. She
shall know thy color and thy song; she
shall remember the sugar in thy tea, and
the lamb chop thou despisest will she
not offer thee. 

15 She shall pick threads from thy gar
ment; she shall brush thine hair. 

16 She remembereth when she first
met thee, and knoweth when thou hast
last called. She laugheth at thy jests. 

17 She knoweth thy neckties; she heed-
eth thine opinions and quoteth them to her
friends. 

18 She giveth thee foolish gifts; and
she knoweth if thou usest them noL 

19 She readeth thy letters even when
they are cold; she knoweth thy step when
it is outside the door.
Chapter vii

Women to be Understood and women to be guarded against

1 Hearken unto my words and
attend diligently to my counsel;
for the world is full of women,
and the women full of wile; so that a
man, if he goeth not warily withal, shall
surely fall a prey thereunto. 

2 For in the endeavor to misunderstand
women we spend our most delightful
moments. 

Her Methods Contrariwise

3 Take heed and know that a fond
woman's commandment is made only to
be broken; and only a fool erreth therein. 

4 When she smileth, peradventure it
may be for another; but when she frown-
eth it is for thee alone. 

5 If she talketh much of another, rejoice
that thou hast no rival; but if she
keepeth silent concerning him, watch thou
his acts, for danger lieth in wait for thee. 

6 If she weepeth, weep thou also, and
her grief shall be abated. 

The universal confidant to e avoided

7 Many a woman hath said unto me:
Lo, I am the universal confidante, and all
men tell me their loves; yet have I not
confided in her. 

When to Confide

8 If a damsel importune thee for thy
secret, lie thou straightway; yea, if there
be naught to hide, invent thou a pleasing
romance, for words shall content her. 

9 Yet if she ceaseth from her questions,
if she respecteth thy privacy, then mayest
thou tell her the truth.

A comparison of the plain and comely maid, 
 and their methods

10 My son, beware of a plain damsel
who charmeth thee, for she needeth much
wile, and useth divers weapons; 

11 She expecteth not to win easily,
and she maketh sure her aim; she playeth
the sympathetic. She studieth to
please, she doeth many favors. 

12 But the fair maiden is simple of
heart, she thinketh much of herself; she
giveth naught, but receiveth alway; she
basketh in her own beauty; she maketh
men to be weary. 

13 Doth a woman strive for the
impossible? Nay, she knoweth not the gain
thereof; and she scoffeth at him who
desireth a marvel. 

Women's prudence

14 Lo, many a man hath given up a
good salary for a chance of fortune; but a
woman preferreth the bird in the hand. 

15 If thou makest a statement concerning women,
 lo, she shall immediately try
to disprove it straightway. She goeth by
contraries. 

16 When a woman breaketh her heart,
when disaster befalleth her love, she
entereth the house of memory and shutteth
the door behind her; but if a man slayeth
his hope he shutteth the door also, but he
departeth. 

17 For all women are even as Lot's
wife, looking backward.
vassarbushmills
Citizen With Bark On

Leave a Reply

Must Read