Part III of our presentatio of Gelett Burgess' 1908 classic

Chapter iv

Women to be easily pleased...

 1. YEA, as fascinating as a loose tooth 
is a secret to a young maid. For 
she knoweth not whether to spit it 
out or keep it safe; yet she cannot forget it. 

2 Catnip pleaseth the kitten; and the 
reading of her palm rejoiceth the damsel. 
Even as one who fitteth a Doacet costume 
to a debutante, so is he who clotheth a 
woman's vanity with pleasant prophecies. 

3 She goeth to the sorcerer and the 
fortune-teller and she returndh with a marvel 
alway. Yea, though she believeth not, 
yet doth she believe, and her lips are 
filled with wonders. 

4 Behold, a damsel said unto me: How 
well thott understandest me; yet I knew not 
what she spake, for she ended not her 
sentences. But I held my tongue, and 
forbore questioning; therefore was I 
clad in wisdom. 

...and Displeased

5 He who spilleth ice-cream upon 
her front breadth shall be forgiven ; but 
whoso mentioneth her last night s indis 
cretion shall be despised. 

6 Better are two left-hand gloves, than 
a man in the moonlight with the wrong 
woman; and a maiden alone by the sea 
shore is as a hat without a hat pin; she 
breedeth wild thoughts. 

They ask troublesome questions

 7 As a cushion which sheddeth its 
feathers, as a moulting dog which leapeth 
upon thee, so is a woman who saith 
continually: Why desireth thou to kiss 

8 To be two years a widow exceedeth 
a college education; and a woman with 
out brothers hath a hard time. 

9 A teasing woman is as a squeaking 
shoe, or as when one walketh on spilt 

10 A wise maiden scenteth trouble afar 
and avoideth a scene; but the foolish 
damsel exclaimeth: Don't! 

11 A good woman would rather be the 
mother of a genius than the wife of a 

How men Prevail Over them

 i2 Not by their strength do men prevail 
over women to have their way, but by 
obstinacy and persistency. For any man in 
time can win any woman. 

13 It is naught, it is naught, saith the 
maiden; but when he is gone his way 
she hurrieth to the mirror and rejoiceth 
at her beauty. 

The Cunning Methods of Maidens in Entrapping Men

14 Mark the woman in love, how she 
beginneth a series of revelations; yea, 
though she be innocent of guile, yet doth 
she not hide her good points from him. 

15 She dresseth in masquerade costume 
to her advantage, she sheweth her ankle. 
He surpriseth her in a fair morning-gown 
and her neglige is not without peril. She 
weareth the thin shirtwaist, that sheweth
pink ribbons beneath its folds ; she 
inviteth him to bathe at the seashore; 

16 But when she appeareth with her 
hair braided, when its plaits fall down 
her back, when the blue ribbon binds it, 
then is her time come, and danger is at 

Chapter v. 

 1. PRITHEE, my son, say not unto a 
woman: Beloved, why love I not 
thee; why am I cold? For behold, 
thou art fair, thou hast doves eyes; thou 
art clever, and worthy my regard; yet is 
my heart dead, for I cannot love thee. 

2 For her soul shall sicken at thy words, 
and a bitter thought shall come to her; 
yea, two things shall persecute her in her 

3 For she shall say: If he loveth me 
not now, then will he never love me; 

4 And: It is my fault, for lo, I should 
have made him to love me, and I could not.
The methods of clever men alike, when in love
5 Clever men make their love in the 
same wise, one like unto another; 

6 With witty jest and with frankness, 
displaying their wounds. 

7 Confessing their danger and rejoicing 
in their peril, regarding themselves <wtth 

8 Beginning at the end of the flirtation, 
and proceeding backward, from the inside 

On Last Loves

9 For in the game of love, there is but 
one law : Thou shalt make neither thyself nor 
her ridiculous. 

Women to be Watched

10 Son, mark the soft and oily lover, 
how women avoid him. His ways are 
devious and cunning, he covereth his 

Letters a Test of Worth

11 He whispereth in the dark, he seek- 
eth dim places. 

12 Yet will no thoroughbred endure 
him, for he putteth them to shame. 

A woman's future prophesied by her Mother
 13 Verily, I say unto you, many a maid 
may be kissed in the open who, when 
her hand is touched under the table will 
cry: Nay, nay! 

14 A bold heart can conquer a princess, 
but he who seeketh her by craft getteth 
only seconds. 

15 A woman findeth in her last lover 
much of her first love; but a man seeth 
his next-to-the-last love, alway. 

16 Son, heed my instruction, and apply 
thyself to know women; let thine eyes 
observe her when she is with another, 
for what she doeth with him, so will she 
do with thes, also. 

17 Count no woman wise, until thou 
hast received a letter from her hand; 
but love none thou hast not seen face to 
face, for she who is not foolish on paper 
is worth knowing. 

18 Favor is deceitful and beauty is 
vain ; but she who offereth to mend thy 
glove shall be praised. * 

19 Woo her not till thou hast seen her 
mother, for a score of years worketh 

End of Part III
Citizen With Bark On