Part III of our presentatio of Gelett Burgess' 1908 classic Chapter iv Women to be easily pleased... 1. YEA, as fascinating as a loose tooth is a secret to a young maid. For she knoweth not whether to spit it out or keep it safe; yet she cannot forget it. 2 Catnip pleaseth the kitten; and the reading of her palm rejoiceth the damsel. Even as one who fitteth a Doacet costume to a debutante, so is he who clotheth a woman's vanity with pleasant prophecies. 3 She goeth to the sorcerer and the fortune-teller and she returndh with a marvel alway. Yea, though she believeth not, yet doth she believe, and her lips are filled with wonders. 4 Behold, a damsel said unto me: How well thott understandest me; yet I knew not what she spake, for she ended not her sentences. But I held my tongue, and forbore questioning; therefore was I clad in wisdom. ...and Displeased 5 He who spilleth ice-cream upon her front breadth shall be forgiven ; but whoso mentioneth her last night s indis cretion shall be despised. 6 Better are two left-hand gloves, than a man in the moonlight with the wrong woman; and a maiden alone by the sea shore is as a hat without a hat pin; she breedeth wild thoughts. They ask troublesome questions 7 As a cushion which sheddeth its feathers, as a moulting dog which leapeth upon thee, so is a woman who saith continually: Why desireth thou to kiss me? 8 To be two years a widow exceedeth a college education; and a woman with out brothers hath a hard time. 9 A teasing woman is as a squeaking shoe, or as when one walketh on spilt sugar. 10 A wise maiden scenteth trouble afar and avoideth a scene; but the foolish damsel exclaimeth: Don't! 11 A good woman would rather be the mother of a genius than the wife of a hero. How men Prevail Over them i2 Not by their strength do men prevail over women to have their way, but by obstinacy and persistency. For any man in time can win any woman. 13 It is naught, it is naught, saith the maiden; but when he is gone his way she hurrieth to the mirror and rejoiceth at her beauty. The Cunning Methods of Maidens in Entrapping Men 14 Mark the woman in love, how she beginneth a series of revelations; yea, though she be innocent of guile, yet doth she not hide her good points from him. 15 She dresseth in masquerade costume to her advantage, she sheweth her ankle. He surpriseth her in a fair morning-gown and her neglige is not without peril. She weareth the thin shirtwaist, that sheweth pink ribbons beneath its folds ; she inviteth him to bathe at the seashore; 16 But when she appeareth with her hair braided, when its plaits fall down her back, when the blue ribbon binds it, then is her time come, and danger is at hand. Chapter v. 1. PRITHEE, my son, say not unto a woman: Beloved, why love I not thee; why am I cold? For behold, thou art fair, thou hast doves eyes; thou art clever, and worthy my regard; yet is my heart dead, for I cannot love thee. 2 For her soul shall sicken at thy words, and a bitter thought shall come to her; yea, two things shall persecute her in her meditations: 3 For she shall say: If he loveth me not now, then will he never love me; 4 And: It is my fault, for lo, I should have made him to love me, and I could not.
The methods of clever men alike, when in love
5 Clever men make their love in the same wise, one like unto another; 6 With witty jest and with frankness, displaying their wounds. 7 Confessing their danger and rejoicing in their peril, regarding themselves <wtth humor. 8 Beginning at the end of the flirtation, and proceeding backward, from the inside outward. On Last Loves 9 For in the game of love, there is but one law : Thou shalt make neither thyself nor her ridiculous. Women to be Watched 10 Son, mark the soft and oily lover, how women avoid him. His ways are devious and cunning, he covereth his tracks. Letters a Test of Worth 11 He whispereth in the dark, he seek- eth dim places. 12 Yet will no thoroughbred endure him, for he putteth them to shame. A woman's future prophesied by her Mother 13 Verily, I say unto you, many a maid may be kissed in the open who, when her hand is touched under the table will cry: Nay, nay! 14 A bold heart can conquer a princess, but he who seeketh her by craft getteth only seconds. 15 A woman findeth in her last lover much of her first love; but a man seeth his next-to-the-last love, alway. 16 Son, heed my instruction, and apply thyself to know women; let thine eyes observe her when she is with another, for what she doeth with him, so will she do with thes, also. 17 Count no woman wise, until thou hast received a letter from her hand; but love none thou hast not seen face to face, for she who is not foolish on paper is worth knowing. 18 Favor is deceitful and beauty is vain ; but she who offereth to mend thy glove shall be praised. * 19 Woo her not till thou hast seen her mother, for a score of years worketh wonders. End of Part III