Friday, September 17, 2021

Green Machine

Mike Ryan has a favorite color and it’s Green. Light green with the scent of grubby fingers.

Mike Ryan knows that when you go green, you have the potential to make buckets of Green. So he came up with this idea, a three-wheeled all electric car. “Brilliant”, they said. “We’ll call the company Green Vehicles!”, he proclaimed. Everyone cheered. You see, he’s a liberal and he wanted to build his little tripods amongst the greenest of liberals up in Salinas, California. It’s all one big happy green family you know. Green, Green, Green. Lets throw it on the bed and roll around in it!

Now I’m not going to look it up, but I betcha that the Salinas city council is run by democrats. (I know, going out on a limb here) And being democrats you just know they have tax-payer money burning a hole in their pocket like a white-hot money-clip.

Ryan had promised city leaders that Green Vehicles would create 70 new jobs and pay $700,000 in taxes per year to their Emerald city. Council members jumped at the chance to throw money at something so far-fetched. I guess they didn’t learn from that urgent email from Nigerian royalty they fell for…Maar ek afdwaal

Last year, Salinas city officials said they were excited about Green Vehicles moving from San Jose to Salinas because they wanted to turn Salinas into a hub for alternative energy production.

City leaders wooed Green Vehicles to jump-start the sputtering local company and turn Salinas into an “electric valley.”

It looks like my vacuum. I wonder if it’s easy to empty?

So lets break it down.

The start-up company set up shop in Salinas in the summer of 2009, after the city gave Ryan a $300,000 community development grant.

When the company still ran into financial trouble last year, the city of Salinas handed Ryan an additional $240,000. Green Vehicles also received $187,000 from the California Energy Commission.

It looked so promising, but in the end, what did they get for almost $800,000?

I’m sure Mr. Ryan gave himself a nice little(big) salary, bought himself a nice gas-powered car and had dozens of the very best-catered cocaine-infused keg-parties…and made a few ugly little trikes priced at $25,000 each.

Mr. Ryan said his electric cars would go 80 miles-per-hour and you would be able to take them in the carpool lane! But they only have a range of 100 miles. Freezing and Hilly areas will cut that distance down and let’s hope there isn’t alot of traffic in Salinas, because there is no back-up engine. Now the carpool lane in northern Cal might be different than the carpool lane in southern Cal cause if you try to take that lawn-mower into the fast-lane down here, the only thing green will be the grass around your tombstone…Maar ek afdwaal

Alright, so you have to recharge every hour and should probably get a lifetime Gold membership to AAA, no biggy, you can plug it into any household outlet. Cool, how long does it take to recharge?

16 hours out of a 110 volt outlet. By my calculations that means that you have to unplug it right before you leave for work, work your 8 hour shift in less than 8 hours so you can rush home and get it plugged in so you won’t be late for work the next day.

No problem, you can use a 220 volt outlet, similar to a Dryer or Range outlet and charge up in 5 hours. Sounds great but have you ever left your dryer on for 5 hours a day? Your electric bill might reflect a little up-tick in energy usage.

OK, that must be a big, expensive battery. Surely Green Vehicles was ensuring that they bought those expensive batteries in the USA, right?

Green Vehicles wouldn’t discuss were they get their batteries from. That should have been a big red flag. Same color as the flag that flies over CHINA. It’s alright because those big batteries sit on the bottom of the…err…car, so it gives it a low center of gravity for excellent handling when you forget to stay within your ‘Range Halo’, run out of juice and have to bust-a-move to the side of the freeway as folks in real cars zip by while laughing and pointing.

You want to know what else the Emerald city of Salinas got for all that money? They got an email from Mike Ryan stating Green Vehicles was going out of business and that the grant money was all gone. Ryan stated he “failed to generate enough capital and find enough investors.”

Let me translate: “I spent most of your money on the very best-catered cocaine-infused keg-parties and nobody wanted to buy the stupid car.

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3 COMMENTS

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3 COMMENTS

  1. The pie in the sky reactions to this pathetic green things, hell you cannot call it a car, just disgusts. Grown men and women being taken in by scams so huge a NORMAL person would laugh but not this politicians, oh no, they are in lock, stock and barrel on the idiocy!

  2. Thanks for putting this up, ‘list. These scams need to be exposed at every opportunity and ridiculed for the abject farces they really are. There is currently one going on in my local area involving windmills, solar/windpowered street lamps, German and Italian-based ‘green’ manufacturers, tax abatements, subsidies and manipulation of public infrastructure and utilities to accommodate these scams.

  1. The pie in the sky reactions to this pathetic green things, hell you cannot call it a car, just disgusts. Grown men and women being taken in by scams so huge a NORMAL person would laugh but not this politicians, oh no, they are in lock, stock and barrel on the idiocy!

  2. Thanks for putting this up, ‘list. These scams need to be exposed at every opportunity and ridiculed for the abject farces they really are. There is currently one going on in my local area involving windmills, solar/windpowered street lamps, German and Italian-based ‘green’ manufacturers, tax abatements, subsidies and manipulation of public infrastructure and utilities to accommodate these scams.

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