Definition  ‘”Birther”: A Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theorist who rejects the legitimacy of Barack Obama’s citizenship and his eligibility to be President. Some of these conspiracy theories allege that Obama was born in Kenya, not Hawaii, and that his birth certificate is a forgery.

I confess, I’ve never met one of these, although they do send me a lot of emails. My theory about Obama’s citizenship is much simpler, and may even have less legal bearing, but one which most Americans instinctively understand, and that is, if you’re born to an American, no matter where, you’re an American. My son was born in Japan, so I hold to this.

In my world, no if’s, ands or buts about it; Barack Obama is an American citizen, unless or course his mother canceled her own citizenship along the way. After all, she bummed and slept around a lot of the world, and was not very partial to America.

But thanks to the ladies over at GirlsTown this definition of “birther” has broadened greatly, enough so to turn a plausible epithet into a slander. For it seems, even if all you do is ask why Obama won’t produced his birth certificate, you’re  a birther.

By this expanded definition, increasingly more people are becoming birthers, it seems, and thank Donald Trump for that.

Trump hasn’t anything to lose. Or gain. He loves his mug on camera almost as much as Charles Schumer. He is always full of himself. He doesn’t quake at the  hard hitting questions from the Bitches of Belsen on “The View.” David Gregory probably will say he won’t interview Trump because it’s a de class subject, but in fact, if the truth were known, he’s afraid Trump would reach across the desk and smack him.

Republicans of every stripe could get something from watching Trump trounce on Obama’s cowardice.

Or is it good political sense?

And that’s the $64,000 question which eludes the crown princesses over at Girls Town. I don’t have to produce my birth certificate, but did when I got my first passport. And if anyone wanted me to produce one now, as proof of eligibility for a job, I could produce one.

But I also have a couple more. They are easy to procure, as is the “true copy” of my birth in Pleven (a city you never heard of) in 1959. I even have work permits that look like a fat lady sat on them for forty years. All for $200 bucks, the going rate then, and I could fly, or ride a train, a bus, or stay at a hotel, at the rate charged local peasants rather than a rich, powerful American. I once flew to Baku from Sofia for $21, round trip.

So the flip side to this birther controversy about Obama that I find intriguing, is not that he wasn’t born in Hawaii, but that he possibly got a lot of freebies, or cheapies, by being a “foreign kid” at some point in his life, and was carrying papers that themselves may have been phonied up, not to show he was American, but that he was not.

Imagine, what Obama may be hiding is not that he isn’t an American but that most of his life he has been a fraud about being one.

For instance, we know when he was in college he went to Pakistan. What kind of passport did he travel on? I ask because a Paki visa isn’t always that easy to get…if you are an American student. Muslim, from any country,  not so hard. And getting into madrassas in Indonesia? Well, it’s easy, but for an American kid the fees are out of sight.

But hey, I’m a birther according to the Shirley Temple Fan Club over at Girls Town. (I also read Ayn Rand non-fiction when time allows.)

Does this really matter?

Yes, but not because it matters where Barack Obama was born, but what he has to hide. And why.

And I submit it is very important for Americans to ask this one simple question.

For context, let me tell a story about a crooked Willie. (see the title?) Bill Clinton denied the public access to his medical records, and then, Paula Jones (remember her, the one he lied about under oath? Got impeached about? Got disbarred about?) claimed to have been accosted by Mr Bill, during which he exposed his willie. Seems Willie had a crooked willie, quoth Ms Jones.

In those days there were no “crookers,” namely because Girls Town hadn’t been thunk up yet, so all the White House in 1996 could say was “Pshaw.”

But imagine, had the public been more vocal about seeing those medical records of Crooked Willie’s crooked willie, who knows? If Paula Jones had been right in her observations about the crooked willie, then maybe Kathleen Willey would have been believed, then maybe Juanita Broaddrick, and then maybe Hillary would be getting out on parole about now instead of overseeing the complete disintegration of the middle east, which Bush really caused, we all know.

This will be a subject that Mr Obama will not be able to dodge during the next campaign. Thank Donald Trump.

Citizen With Bark On